"You turn the corner," I said, "and come into a very large cavern. It is extremely hot in here, and it smells of old eggs."
"Phew!" said Carl. "Stinky!"
"Before you say that out loud," I said, "allow me to describe what else is in this room. There is lava and there is a dragon."
"Oh," said Carl. "Yeah, I don't say that."
"There seems to be a pool of lava off to your right. The lava enters the room above floor level and flows down one side of the room, pooling at a dip in the floor before running off a ledge into a sinkhole that opens to darkness below. There's a mound on your left, and resting upon the mound is a dragon, with scales the colour of a burning town and a little drift of smoke coming from its nostrils. Hello, it rumbles. Have you come for dessert? It chuckles at its little joke."
"Have we got anything for this guy?" asked Carl.
"What do you mean?" asked Melissa.
"We need a tribute. If we want anything from a dragon, we need to provide tribute."
"Are you having this conversation right now?" I asked.
"I would assume that we have this conversation earlier," said Carl. "We would have had to plan this a bit. I mean we've known we'd have to do this for a while, right?"
"Yeah," agreed Melissa. "What sort of thing would we need to give it?"
"How much do I know about dragons?" asked Carl.
"Do you speak draconic?" I replied.
"No," he said.
"I do," said Mike.
"Really?" asked Melissa.
"Yeah, I got a bonus language at character creation, so I chose draconic. I haven't needed to use it yet, but I've studied it."
"That's great," I said. "Between the two of you, you can probably answer the question. Carl, can you roll Arcana with advantage?"
"Twenty one," he said.
"Excellent. A red dragon is only interested in two things," I said. "Treasure and destruction."
"Sounds like my kind of guy," observed Carl.
"Red dragons typically lair in mountains, and extort whatever treasure they can from the surrounding villages and towns. You can actually see some of the dragon's horde on display in the cavern. There are some rugs on the floor, though there is a tendency for them to pile up at the back. There are cabinets and armoires containing fine sculptures and trinkets. A wardrobe that appears to be full of clothes."
"That's what we're looking for," said Carl.
"Chests? Piles of coins lying about?" asked Melissa.
"Roll Perception," I said.
"Thirteen," she said.
"You don't see any chests," I said. "But there are a few small piles of coins scattered about."
"Can I roll?" asked Mike. "I get a nineteen."
"Okay," I said. "There appears to be a large steel trunk sitting in the lava pool under the lava waterfall. The lava cascades over the box, heating it to a dull red. But it is quite intact."
"We might need to come back for that later," said Mike.
"Hm," said Melissa, looking at her notes. "I don't have any large or ostentatious items here - we might just have to offer cash."
"Cash would be quite an appropriate tribute for a red dragon," I said to Carl. "A blue or a black dragon probably wouldn't accept it, but with a red you should be able to get away with it."
"Okay, we have, say, ten thousand gold in a sack," began Carl.
"Wait a minute," I said. "You didn't say that you had pack animals or a cart or anything like that. Ten thousand gold coins is like three hundred kilos."
"Oh," he said. "How much could Mike reasonably carry?"
"A thousand is about thirty kilos. It's still a pretty big haul."
"Hmm..." he said. "I'm open to suggestions."
"What happens if we don't have a tribute?" asked Melissa.
"Depends on how the dragon's feeling at the time," I said.
"How's it looking?" asked Carl.
"How long are you taking to evaluate that?" I asked.
"Only a couple of seconds," he said.
"Perception," I said.
"Twelve," he said.
"The dragon looks sleepy. Like it just finished a large meal."
"Great," said Mike.
"No, that's good for us," said Carl. "If it's already eaten someone, it might be less likely that it will eat us."
"You hope," said Melissa.
"Yes," said Carl. "How about this? We each carry a sack filled with a couple of hundred copper, each with a layer of gold over the top?"
"Carl," I asked. "Are you trying to swindle the dragon?"
"Yes," he said.
"Okay. You can do that. Copper pieces are smaller and lighter than gold, so in a sack you can probably get about a thousand, with maybe fifty gold pieces in a layer on top."
"Okay, so that's three thousand copper and a hundred and fifty gold for three sacks."
"Yes, that sounds right," I said.
"That still sounds like a lot of money," said Mike.
"It is," agreed Carl. "But it's worth it to be not eaten by a dragon."
"We can afford it," said Melissa.
"Oh great wyrm, I say, please accept these humble gifts as signs of our humility and devotion," said Carl. "And I show the dragon the sacks, and the layers of gold, hiding the copper."
"You have his attention," I said. "He's watching you, but he's not saying anything."
"I carefully approach carrying one of the sacks and place it on the ground before him."
"He gestures with a claw to one side of the room, where you can see several similar sacks stacked."
"Okay, I go put the sacks there," he said.
"Sure," I said. "The dragon lets you do that. He's watching you like a hawk."
"Or do hawks watch things like dragons?" asked Mike.
"Oh great wyrm, I say," said Carl. "We have come seeking your wisdom! We are seeking information on a dangerous cult who seek to destroy the world."
"The cult of the chained god," the dragon rumbles. "I am aware of it."
"Of course you are aware of it. We seek your deep understanding and knowledge to aid us in preventing them from reaching their goal of freeing their dark and destructive god from his imprisonment."
"If you know this much about the cult, says the dragon," I said, "how can you be sure that my knowledge surpasses your own?"
"I feign confusion," said Carl. "How can such a fact be even questioned? I ask."
"I say something profound in draconic," said Mike. "Some proverb about the wisdom of dragons being sought above all others."
"Cool," I said. "Carl, roll Charisma with advantage."
"Twenty three," said Carl.
"Dragon charmer," said Melissa.
"The dragon begins to chuckle," I said. "You're close enough that you can feel its searing exhalations. This isn't just hot breath, you understand. This is like standing in front of a volcano."
"I have fire resistance," said Carl.
"Oh, it doesn't damage you. It's just really hot, even by your standards. The dragon has lifted his head and looking directly at you. It was a trick question, he says. Ask."
"Great wyrm, you are obviously aware that the cult has been sowing discord and paranoia by distributing apparently cursed magical items. We believe that one such item has come into your possession - a garment of some kind, we believe, and we request whether we could, under your supervision of course, examine this item in place to learn the secrets of its enchantment. We would of course share all our findings with you, and we would remove not even the meanest groat from your extensive and impressive vault, but it would be very helpful to us if we could examine the nature of the item's magic."
"There is a pause," I say. "The dragon appears to be thinking. No, he says. Be gone from here before I reconsider my decision to not eat you."
"Of course, great wyrm," said Carl. "We will leave immediately. Come on, I say, let's go."
"Do we want to try to get the sacks back?" asked Mike.
"No," said Carl. "Like I said, that was the cost of not being eaten. Worth it, if you ask me."
"But it does mean that we have no additional leads," said Melissa.
"No, that's right," said Carl. "We'll have to come back when he's not here, or asleep, or something."
"Are you crazy?" asked Mike.
"No," said Carl. "Well, yes," he added, "but no."
"We need to look at that garment," said Melissa.
"How many of these cursed items are there, anyway?" asked Mike. "That crazy old guy must have been really prolific."
"Well that's what we really need to find out. We have the ring and the sword, and we know that we're missing the dagger and the cap. There's this garment, whatever it is, and we think that there might be a left shoe, because we found the right one in the crazy old guy's workshop ready to be enchanted." said Carl.
"That's six," said Mike.
"But there could be more," said Carl. "We've no idea whether that crazy old guy was the only one doing this or not."
"And what do these items do again?" asked Melissa. "Besides the obvious?"
"Essentially," I said, "as far as you can tell they create a crack in someone's mind through which the chained god can enter their dreams and unconscious thoughts."
"Prompting them to worship it and to work towards its release," said Carl.
"Yes," I said.
"So how do we do this?" asked Mike.
"I guess we could stake out the dragon's lair and sneak in when he was out hunting or something," said Carl. "He's a red dragon - he's got to go out and destroy something eventually, right?"
"Hasn't he just eaten though? It could be days before he leaves his lair," said Melissa.
"Weeks, possibly," I added.
"Well, we'll just have to sneak in," said Carl. "And when I say we, I actually mean the only one of us who has a decent chance to sneak in the first place."
"You want me to sneak into a dragon's lair?" asked Melissa.
"Do you have any better ideas?" asked Carl.
"Not yet," said Melissa.
"Can we draw him out of his lair?" asked Mike.
"How would we do that?" asked Carl.
"Uh, steal something? He's sure to chase us, right?"
"Yeah, and kill us when he finds us!"
"We'll just have to make sure that he can't."
"Mike," I say. "The other guy really likes what you're saying right now."
"Yeah, I thought he might," replied Mike. "He really wants to fight this dragon, doesn't he?"
"Yeah," I said. "He'd love that."
"Would we even have a chance?" interjected Melissa.
"Depends on how old the dragon is," said Carl.
"Nature check," I said.
"Nine," said Carl.
"Okay, you can't tell. You can tell he isn't a juvenile, but once they get to that age, they stay pretty much the same for many years. He could be forty or a hundred and forty."
"Damn," said Carl. "The former I'd have a go at. The latter, not so much."
"So what are we saying?" asked Melissa.
"We're saying that it's probably not a great idea to try to fight this dragon. We need to try the sneaky sneaky plan," said Carl.
"Great," said Melissa. "What if I get caught?"
"Don't," said Carl. "That would be bad."
"We brought Mike back once before, so..."
"Yeah, but that was ruinously expensive. And we just gave the dragon a whole pile of cash."
"Yeah," said Mike, "but it was mostly copper."
"Okay," said Melissa. "I guess we do this. Can we wait until the dragon's asleep?"
"Yes," I said. "That doesn't take long."
"Okay. I roll stealth, and I use my inspiration."
"I cast guidance," said Carl.
"Okay, you sneak back into the dragon's lair. What'd you roll?"
"Seven," said Melissa, and threw the dice across the room.