“Hello, she says,” I said. “I didn’t expect to see you again quite so soon.”
“I need you to help me,” said Carl. “And you need to help me. And I need you to want to help me.”
“Um…” I said.
“And here’s why you need to help me. I know that you have one of these! And I rip off my glove and show them the ring,” said Carl.
“She looks startled. She looks at the ring, then at you, then at her husband, who by the way is carrying a fine-looking sword. He just stares at her.”
“I show him the ring!”
“He turns away. She clutches at her chest, but he’s going toward the barn. What are you doing?”
“I follow him,” said Carl.
“I stay with her,” said Melissa. “Those cultists are on our trail. I hope we haven’t led them right to you.”
“She nods and says, we’ll be okay. Are they close? she asks.”
“Very,” said Melissa.
“To be honest, we’re going to be glad to get rid of the damn thing, she says as she reaches for the horn that alerts the household. It’s cursed, you know.”
“Yes, I know, but I do truly believe that the world will be much safer with it in his hands than with it in their hands.”
“Yes, but for how long? she asks, as she starts busying herself with preparations for the upcoming fight. You see a surprising lack of movement around the household. She heads straight back up to the house and disappears inside. Then the two of you are basically alone out here.”
“They’re all gearing up,” said Mike.
“Or hiding,” said Carl.
“I use the time to scout out the land,” said Mike, “looking for a good ambush site where I can get the drop on them and get into melee combat quickly.”
“Okay, you find one of those. Melissa?”
“I want to get up high. Can I get up high? Like, in a tree or on a roof?”
“Sure,” I said. “There are several trees and roofs about. The highest is probably a tree. Make a Survival check.”
“Eighteen,” she said.
“Sure, you’ve got a great spot above their line of sight and with a good overview of the approach, which as you remember is through the swamp. From up here, you can see the cultists’ torches moving through the dense underbrush. They’ll be here in about a minute. Carl.”
“Yes!” he said.
“He goes to the back of the barn,” I reply. “Under some random debris there is a trap door, which he unlocks using a key that hangs on a thong around his neck. He hauls the door open and gestures for you to go down.”
“I do so, immediately,” he says.
“You find this,” I said, handing him a note. Carl read it, then hung his head in disappointment.
“Mike!” he said.
“You hear him, in the distance,” I said to Mike. “The cultists are practically just around the corner.”
“MIIIIKKKEEEE!!!” cried Carl.
“Okay, okay,” said Mike. “I go back and see what he wants.”
Carl handed him the note. Mike’s eyes went wide.
“Here’s what you just saw,” I said to Melissa. “Mike goes up to the barn. Carl comes out of the barn and holds out a really big sword. You have just a moment to react before the cultists come within bowshot. What do you do?
“Don’t take it, I cry, and I draw an arrow.”
“I take it!” cried Mike.
“Your mind is filled with images of blood and lust,” I said. “For just a moment you can imagine yourself carving your way through enemies, dismembering foes left and right and wading through rivers of gore and it feels good. Then you snap back to reality. You realise that you don’t remember drawing the sword from its scabbard. Melissa.”
“Yes!” said Melissa.
“You have an arrow nocked, ready to draw. The forest ahead of you seems to come alive. The trees are shaking and you can hear screams. This lasts only a few seconds, and as you see little ripples head down into the swamp as though pursuing someone, the youngest child comes walking back up to the village, trailing flowers and butterflies.”
“Coming back up from the forest,” said Melissa. “Back up from where the cultists were coming from.”
“Yes,” I said. “Carl, the fighter just looks at you for a moment, then takes Mike firmly by the shoulder and begins dragging him down to the edge of town. You’ve got what you came for, he says.”
“We do, and we thank you most kindly for your hospitality,” said Carl.
“He gives Mike one last shove out of his territory and turns to go back up to the house. Melissa, he doesn’t even glance up at you,” I said.
“He doesn’t notice me?” she asked.
“He doesn’t appear to,” I replied.
“Um, guys? I might just stay up here for a bit. You go on. Make camp somewhere. I’ll be back before dawn.”
“Okay,” said Carl.
“Wait,” said Mike. “Will you be able to find us? Of course you’ll be able to find us. Never mind.”
“Bye,” said Melissa.
“Okay, you guys make your way through the swamp for about an hour,” I said, “and you come to realise after a while that there’s absolutely nothing dangerous here. There are no monsters. There aren’t even any snakes. You could pitch tent on any dry spot, of which there are many up higher towards the settlement, and you wouldn’t even need to post a watch.”
“Well yeah, there wouldn’t be anything this close to the Village of Retired Adventurers, would there?” said Mike. “Anything dangerous around here, the Famous Adventurers would have dealt with it long ago.”
“So you guys get a long rest.”
“Excellent!” said Carl. “I get all my spells back.”
“Melissa,” I said.
“Yes!” said Melissa.
“You stay in the tree for a couple of hours. Just after sunset, you hear a noise at the base of your tree. Why don’t you come down from there, says the small child who trails flowers and who somehow caused the swamp to eat some cultists just now, and come in for some dinner?”
“Of course they knew I was here all along,” said Melissa. “His perception must be through the roof. Okay, I’ll get down and follow her inside.”
“They’re totally expecting you. They’ve even laid out a place for you at table, which is all very polite and civilised. It’s humble, but everyone takes it seriously. Don’t take a good meal for granted, says the priest. Bow your head.”
“I do,” said Melissa.
“The priest intones a brief prayer in a language you don’t understand, and everybody tears in. The conversation is polite but inconsequential, and the children do not misbehave at the table. But when most of the hearty stew and bread has been eaten, the woman – the sorcerer – turns to you and says, you’re adventuring with the wrong party.”
“I know! But I’m on a mission.”
“Is it a mission that’s worth him? asks the dwarf, gesturing vaguely towards the swamp.”
“I don’t know. I hope so. He’s the one that I’ve been sent to observe!”
“Observe? asks the priest.” I said.
“Well, both of them really. But mostly him, I think. But I don’t know! They hardly told me anything. All they said was that I’m an observer.”
“Are you sure? asks the flower child.”
Melissa sat back in sudden realisation. “Oh,” she said.
“What?” I said, “asks the sorcerer.”
“No, I’m just thinking of something else that was said,” said Melissa. “Um, okay. This has been a really lovely meal but I really have to go.”
“They understand. They say their farewells and the fighter escorts you to the edge of the swamp. He turns you around, looks you in the eye, and says be careful.”
“I will.”
“You notice that just up the rise, the eldest son is also out, watching you go. His father doesn’t seem aware of his presence.”
“And I pat the old man on the shoulder. I glance up at the boy again before turning and heading into the forest.”
“You catch his eye.”
“You just totally made that kid’s day,” said Carl. Melissa sighed.
“I know, but it was kind of necessary,” she says. “We still need these people to be on our side.”
“Why?” asked Carl.
“Because they’re powerful and they know stuff.”
“I can’t believe how easily they gave up this,” said Mike.
“Yes, what does that feel like, Mike?” asked Carl. Mike looked at me.
“It’s a plus one longsword, and it has an ability that you don’t get a chance to suss out during your rest. You’ll actually need to activate this when you hit something with it.”
“And it won’t work unless I activate it?”
“Yes,” I said. “That’s a bonus action.”
“Cool,” he said. “Do I feel more evil?”
“No,” I said. “Still plain old neutral good.”
“I shrug,” said Mike.
“Disappointing,” said Carl. “So far I’ve been entirely underwhelmed by these items. I’ve got this dagger that makes me think of blood, this ring that makes me think of fire.”
“This sword that makes me think of battle,”
“Of victory in battle,” I clarify.
“Right,” said Mike.
“In glorious and excessively bloody battle.”
“Right. This sword that makes me think of dismembering stuff. Are we sure that that’s not just the curse?”
“What, that it makes you think stuff?” asked Carl.
“Yes,” said Mike.
“Oh, that’s quite evil,” said Carl with a smile. “They still radiate magic, right?”
“Oh yes. All three of them, quite strongly in the enchantment school.”
“Enchantment?” asked Melissa. “That would be consistent with these things putting thoughts in our minds. Wait, I just thought of something. You’ve only ever experienced those evil thoughts once, right?”
“I felt the bloody evil thought from the dagger and the burny evil thought from the ring.” said Carl.
“Right, but only once each from each one.”
“No, I thought I was getting it all the time, like a constant, ongoing thing.”
“No,” I said. “It was just one flash, the first time you picked each one up. For the dagger, when you took it from the altar. For the ring, when you put it on.”
“Oh,” said Carl. “Now I’m even more disappointed.”
“What,” asked Melissa. “Have you been assuming that you’ve been going around with these constant thoughts of burning stuff down this whole time because you’ve been wearing the ring?”
“Well, yes,” said Carl.
“That explains a lot, actually,” said Mike.
“Yeah, that’s not the ring doing that,” I said. “That’s just you.”
“So it was just one flash and now all they do is radiate a continuous magical aura?” Carl asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Quite a strong one. Can you roll arcana?”
“I have a bit of arcana,” he said. “Twelve?”
“You can tell that these were all the same maker,” I said. “Whoever enchanted each of these items, it was just one person.”
“Oh, okay,” said Carl. “That’s interesting.”
“Can we get him to stop?” asked Mike.
“Sure,” said Carl. “Let’s do that.”
“Wait,” said Melissa. “There’s one more thing I want to check. Give me the dagger.”
“No,” said Carl.
“I want to check to see if I get the evil thoughts when I first take it as well.”
“Or whether once it’s discharged it’s just spent?”
“Yes.”
“That’s an appropriate experiment, I say, but not you, and I hand the dagger to Mike.”
“Mike, you get sudden images flash into your mind of fine sharp blades cutting into flesh and the blood welling out…”
“Yes, yes, okay,” said Mike. “It worked. Yeah. And I hand the dagger back.”
“You know what to do with that, right?” I asked.
“Yeah,” said Mike. “That’s for the… other guy.”
“Why not me?” asked Melissa.
“Because you’re not evil,” said Carl.
“I’m neutral good!” said Mike.
“Yes,” said Carl, “but you’ve already experienced the effect of one of these items. She hasn’t. There’s no need to expose her to that if we don’t need to.”
“I’m right here,” said Melissa.
“There’s no need to expose you to that if we don’t need to, I say,” he said.
“He’s right,” said Mike.
“Yeah, I guess,” said Melissa.
“But you’d kind of like to, right?”
“Well, yeah, I’m kind of curious.”
“Okay, well let’s do this. Which evil thoughts do you want? Bloody, burny, or dismembery? Your choice. But choose only one.”
“Why should I choose only one?”
“Because you’re not evil. Look, so far I’m the only one of us who has been able to deal with experiencing more than one of these things, and I can do it because I am unashamedly evil,” said Carl. “These thoughts are in their native environment in my mind. I even effectively prolonged the effect of the ring just by thinking those thoughts anyway.”
“The ring was a constant reminder of that initial flash,” I agreed. “That appears to be the way that they are designed.”
“Each time I draw the dagger, I see those bleedy thoughts again, but I draw them from my memory instead of having them implanted by the dagger.”
“Exactly.”
“But I can do that easier because I’m already evil. You’re not.” said Carl. “These kinds of thoughts are foreign to you. You don’t have the moral structures in your mind to assimilate these kinds of thoughts in a healthy way. He doesn’t either. And to be honest, it doesn’t look like he’s dealing with it well.”
“No,” agreed Mike. “What I’m doing is not healthy.”
“So, one only,” said Carl. “You agree?”
“Okay,”
“Which one?”
“The dagger, I think,” said Melissa.
“May the Dark Lord open your mind, I pray, and I cast bless.”
“Okay,” I said. “Melissa, you feel an evil presence come over you that tempts you towards dark thoughts.”
“And I hand her the dagger,” said Carl.
“Make a Charisma saving throw.”
“With the bless,” said Melissa, “eighteen.”
“Nice!” said Carl.
“Okay,” I said. “This evil blessing seemed to act as a buffer between your mind and the dagger’s thoughts. You still get them, but for a brief moment you seem to have some context for them and they don’t affect you as much.”
“Sweet!” said Carl.
“Great. Thanks!” said Melissa.
“So what do you do next?” I asked.
“Well, we need to track down who’s making these items and get them to stop,” said Mike.
“You mean, get them to start working for us,” said Carl. “This guy can make magic items. Let’s get him to make us some magic items.”
“This guy’s clearly unhinged if he made these items,” said Mike. “Why would we want him to work for us?”
“Insane people are easy to control,” said Carl. “You just have to fuel their delusions. Ask your other guy about that.”
“We’re not here to build a power base, Carl,” said Melissa. “We’re here to put a stop to the distribution of cursed magic items.”
“Speak for yourself! I’m always interested in power bases. And we’ll put a stop to it. By taking control of it. What, are we just going to kill this guy in cold blood?”
“If necessary. If more harm can be averted by killing him, yes. I’m always ready to do that,” said Melissa.
“Interesting,” said Carl. “But don’t worry. The terms of your mission will be fulfilled. We will put a stop to the random distribution of cursed magic items. This I swear in the Dark Lord’s name which shall never be spoken.”
“There’s a clap of thunder, and it starts to rain,” I said.